In-laws

In-laws. This topic can be a rather touchy subject for many people. I feel like my experience has been one that has ranged the gamut of emotions. There have been wonderful experiences with my in-laws and some downright horrible ones. The last thing I want to do is turn this post into a venting session of all the perceived wrong my mother-in-law has done in the 13 years I have known her, rather I want to discuss some of the positive and to also share an insight I felt several months ago that has helped me in forgiving past hurts.

I remember the first time I met my husband’s grandparents. We had been dating for a few weeks and his grandpa welcomed me right into the family. I felt like one of his granddaughters right from that first meeting. After we were married he always called me granddaughter. He and his wife have always been a big support system for us and when he died I felt it as strongly as when my own grandparents died. My husband’s grandmother is still alive and she has a great relationship with our children. I love that my children know their great grandmother and have a relationship with her even though we live 2000 miles apart. My husband’s parent are good people and even though we don’t see eye to eye on everything, they did an amazing job raising their son. I am so thankful for my husband and I am so thankful to his parents for raising him. I make sure and express that gratitude to them often. My husband’s parents Skype with our family almost every week, which means a lot to me since we live so far away and I want our children to have a good relationship with them. It means even more that they do this because my own parents have no desire to Skype or talk with them regularly. It actually breaks my heart, but I’m so grateful they have that with my husband’s parents.

A few months ago after a disagreement with my mother-in-law I reached out to her because I felt that it was important to make sure we were both ok and that there were no hard feelings. I remember specifically saying that I felt it was important that we talk and make things right because of my sealing to her son means I am also sealed to her. I feel that means something, it means we should strive to have an open, honest, and friendly relationship. I know we won’t always see eye to eye and that we may still have struggles, but I figure if we do the best we can here then it will be easier to forgive and love when we can see their intentions after this life when we have a greater understanding. When I made that connection I honestly found it easier to forgive and to work on having a relationship with her rather than just not worrying about a relationship at all.

I believe that my relationship with my husband comes first, always, before our extended families, but I am grateful that we had the love and support of our extended families.

Family Councils

After the April 2016 General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints my family began holding regular family councils as we were encouraged to do so by Elder Ballard. His talk, Family Councils, has been one that has meant so much to me. Our children are still young, ages ranging from 5-10, and I am so grateful that we have started this now. Family council is something our children look forward to each Sunday evening. Since our children are young, they are short, but I believe we are building a foundation for when they are older. We begin with a song and prayer. Then we go over our calendar for the week, this has been a huge help in getting us all on the same page. We end with each family member getting a chance to share their thoughts or feelings with us if they wish. We encourage them to share anything that may be worrying them, or anything that they are excited about, or anything they would like us to pray about for them. As our children grow we will continue to have these councils and I have faith that they will help our children know how much we love them and that they can share anything with us and we will listen and love them no matter what.

Elder Ballard talks of 4 different types of councils in his talk. He shares, “I believe there are at least four types of family councils: First, a general family council consisting of the entire family. Second, an executive family council consisting of a mother and father. Third, a limited family council consisting of parents and one child. Fourth, a one-on-one family council consisting of one parent and one child. Our family is pretty good at holding all of these different councils except for the “executive family council”. That is something my husband and I need to be more diligent in doing so that we can be better prepared to parent our children and lead our family.

Some reasons Elder Ballard gives for holding regular family councils are, “Finally, please remember that a family council held regularly will help us spot family problems early and nip them in the bud; councils will give each family member a feeling of worth and importance; and most of all they will assist us to be more successful and happy in our precious relationships, within the walls of our homes.” These are great reasons for holding family councils. More than anything I want to be able to help my children when they need it. They need to know they can talk to us. I believe this is a way to help that happen. Elder Ballard talks about how holding family councils can protect our families from the evils of this world and help us remain close. After seven months of holding these councils I have seen a difference and look forward to continuing these for years to come. I know my family will be strengthened by these and I am so grateful for that.

Tenderness in Marriage

“Tenderness and respect–never selfishness–must be the guiding principles in the intimate relationship between husband and wife. Each partner must be considerate and sensitive to the other’s needs and desires. Any domineering, indecent, or uncontrolled behavior in the intimate relationship between husband and wife is condemned by the Lord.”

-President Howard W. Hunter, Ensign, Nov. 1994, 51

This quote from President Hunter touches me deeply. I have a dear friend who was married to a returned missionary in the temple. Shortly after they were married she discovered his addiction to pornography as he was trying to force her to recreate some of the vile acts he watched. She was horrified. He became abusive if she did not participate. She felt sick, dirty, and ugly. Her experience with marriage and physical intimacy were nothing like she thought they would be, nothing like they should be. After a few months of this she left her husband and sought refuge with her parents. Her husband was not willing to seek help for his addiction and did not think he needed to seek for her forgiveness because he didn’t think there was anything wrong. He felt that because they were married that anything goes. President Kimball taught, “If it is unnatural, you just don’t do it. That is all, and all the family life should be kept clean and worthy and on a very high plane. There are some people who have said that behind the bedroom doors anything goes. That is not true and the Lord would not condone it.” I wish that this young man had learned and understood this.

The above quote by President Hunter is filled with the love of our Heavenly Father. Physical intimacy in marriage is a beautiful and sacred experience. It should bring husbands and wives closer together, and when done in the spirit President Hunter talks of it will bring husbands and wives closer together. I hope when I teach my young children about physical intimacy in marriage that I can teach this aspect as well.