Tenderness in Marriage

“Tenderness and respect–never selfishness–must be the guiding principles in the intimate relationship between husband and wife. Each partner must be considerate and sensitive to the other’s needs and desires. Any domineering, indecent, or uncontrolled behavior in the intimate relationship between husband and wife is condemned by the Lord.”

-President Howard W. Hunter, Ensign, Nov. 1994, 51

This quote from President Hunter touches me deeply. I have a dear friend who was married to a returned missionary in the temple. Shortly after they were married she discovered his addiction to pornography as he was trying to force her to recreate some of the vile acts he watched. She was horrified. He became abusive if she did not participate. She felt sick, dirty, and ugly. Her experience with marriage and physical intimacy were nothing like she thought they would be, nothing like they should be. After a few months of this she left her husband and sought refuge with her parents. Her husband was not willing to seek help for his addiction and did not think he needed to seek for her forgiveness because he didn’t think there was anything wrong. He felt that because they were married that anything goes. President Kimball taught, “If it is unnatural, you just don’t do it. That is all, and all the family life should be kept clean and worthy and on a very high plane. There are some people who have said that behind the bedroom doors anything goes. That is not true and the Lord would not condone it.” I wish that this young man had learned and understood this.

The above quote by President Hunter is filled with the love of our Heavenly Father. Physical intimacy in marriage is a beautiful and sacred experience. It should bring husbands and wives closer together, and when done in the spirit President Hunter talks of it will bring husbands and wives closer together. I hope when I teach my young children about physical intimacy in marriage that I can teach this aspect as well.