5:1

My husband and I have been married for 12 years. While I am no marriage expert, I have learned that what John Gottman teaches about ratios in marriage is true. He teaches that the ratio is 5:1, meaning that 5 positive things need to happen in order to combat 1 negative thing happening in a marriage. So, for every negative thought, feeling, or action you have or do involving your spouse, you need to come back with five more positive thoughts, feelings, or actions to balance out your marriage in order for it to succeed. 

 

On our wedding day, May 14, 2004.

Early on in our marriage I made a picture to give to my husband. It is a 12x12 picture that is labeled, “How Do I Love Thee?”, and on it I have listed over 100 things I love about my husband. I have found that if I am every frustrated with him reading over this helps me overcome any negative thoughts I may be having. It’s been on our wall in our room for 10 years now and continues to serve as a great reminder to me of how much I do love him. If I were to make a new one today, it would have even more positive things on it. I am so grateful that I have had this reminder through all our years of marriage, because I can attest to the fact that negative thoughts, feelings, or actions really are so much stronger than positive ones. It really does take many more positive things to combat any one negative thing.

Working hard in a marriage is so worth it. John Gottman also teaches the importance of friendship in a marriage. I believe that to be true. My husband is my best friend. I would rather spend time with him than anyone else in the world and I feel that friendship is one of the strongest things that binds us together.